Magnum Opus - Feedback Thread

[Jerry David]

Hi Everyone,

Show Link: TBA

Feedback on the PPV is welcome in all formats, but here are some prompts for you if you aren't sure:

BEST MATCH:
BEST SEGMENT:
BEST ANGLE:
BEST LINE OF THE NIGHT:
ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT:

We understand it's a HUGE show, so some of you might not get to read it all. That's understandable. But please leave feedback on what you DID read here!

Sign-up's for Domination 06 is also up on the relevant forum!

REMEMBER: NO SIGN UP, NO GO!

Cheers,
sc00t

[Keegan]

What HE said.

[pdbnb]

This show is so great, it's out of sight!

I've heard of secret shows, but this one must be extra-secret...

If this show was a wrestler, it would be John Cena, 'cause you can't see it!

(OK, I'll stop now.)

[pdbnb]

OK, for real this time:

YAY intro montage!!

PRIMA MATERIA: Oh look, somebody who isn't me who actually puts effort into their card-rundown intro segments. Nicely done, gents. Correction however, Bianca and Angel only fought once. Bianca's other match was with Principe. I would also not call Crusader X 'charismatic' either... (Sorry, Blair!)

RENT HAS BEEN COLLECTED: OK, SOMEBODY in GLOBAL HAS to know Reyn is going around murderizing people. They are either incredibly oblivious, or they are enabling him. Either way, heads need to come out of asses, pronto.

TWITCH/PRINCIPE: OK, whoever wrote these next two segments does not have a clue, and needs to stop bringing show quality down with this kind of shit.

THE NUMBERS DON'T LIE: 'A maelstrom of dolphins' is a WONDERFUL turn of phrase. This entire segment is great, but it took me a minute to realize it was set in the past. I especially like how it's incorporating IRL stuff into the narrative/universe.

THE GOAT VS THE PEOPLE'S CHOMP-ION: OH YEAH, LET'S F---ING GOOOOO! This Alecz intro is all I expected a PPV Alecz intro to be - love The Alecz Exprecz! Though, it should have a UK flag drawn on it, to take that reference all the way. 'Punches in bunches', another lovely phrase I wish I had/could come up with. Fantastic match, with the right finish, the right way, lots of great little touches (SHUT YOUR WORDHOLES, Alecz getting the ref's name wrong) and at least one HOLY SHIT spot. Also, oooh, we have 'Winner: XYZ' statements now? We really are pulling out all the stops here!

GLOBAL Sit Down: Oh, it's Darring. I thought we were about to discover GLOBAL is secretly financed by the Mafia. Anyway, good traditional promo segment, putting everyone over, including himself. GREAT sign-off line, too.

THE CASE FOR DARRING: How many feds televise segments between CO-WORKERS discussing potential results? Anyway, Allie knows her stuff, and this is a short but very valid segment.

LEE VS KID: Star-making performance for Kid here, but yeah, the expected result, and also an expected post-match development. That 'WINNER' marker should have been placed right at the end of the match, though, before all the aftermath stuff. Just a little niggle.

GUNNINGHAM: Scott trying to backdoor his short fiction into the show over here...but who cares when it's this well-written? Fascinating history of housing estates in Bristol, then Doritos tries to guess Banksy's identity - I sincerely thought he would not be fussed to know, but okay. Though, a British man using 'trash can' instead of 'rubbish bin'? Tsk.

FIGHTING FIT: I was rooting for Health Fanatics Some great storytelling here, though, with the whole left leg narrative coming to a head right at the end. Good tag match and decent feud ender, though it does get probably get a bit overshadowed by everything else around it.

THE CASE FOR DREAM: OH, is THAT what we're doing? OK, then. I did not expect QUINN to advocate for Dream, though - I expected The Mark to be the one to do it. Shows you what I know.

WHO BUYS THAT CRAP?: Not me, and apparently not D-Best, either. Best (no pun intended) X segment so far, and it only runs a LITTLE overlong, stopping before its length truly becomes detrimental. Nicely done, and I am looking forward to this match.

TBC

[Daniel Dream]

BEST MATCH: Alex Reyn Vs. 'The Legend' Sean Darring vs. Daniel Dream

Honorable mentions are Alfie Button vs. Crusader X, Darren Best vs Son of Malta, Angel vs 'Queen' Bianca

BEST SEGMENT: The Joker & The Queen

I'm intrigued by The Jester. Also I have a soft spot for clown characters.

Honorable mention: GLOBAL Sit Down

BEST ANGLE: "The Case Of" with Jabari Crossover.

I was reluctant to put my character in but he's the only real recurring plotline besides the Watch Party which wasn't much of a plotline, although it was good.

BEST LINE OF THE NIGHT: "Jed Johnson is wrestling’s equivalent of two plus two"

Damn Allie, you didn't have to roast him that bad.

ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT: I have no major complaints, the show was good.

So I will nitpick instead, Daniel's DDT is called "Never Wake Up" not "Never Awake" but actually "Never Awake" rolls off the tongue better so I'm the fool.

[Keegan]

Cheers for feedback, guys. Much appreciated.

Pedro, that 2 instead of 1 reference was me. I completely invented that. So, my apologies. Sometimes, my mind plays tricks on me. I stand by the 'charismatic' line. As for the maelstrom of dolphins, ripped that line from a reading in a C1 English textbook, and it popped into my head as I was writing, so thought, fuck it.

The opening, which I'll get into more another time, was done because I've seen Brian and Chris do it so many times, and with it being the first PPV, I felt that EVERY match should be sold by the commentators. Perhaps it should be done EVERY PPV.

While I'm here...

A massive thank you to everyone for contributing as much as you did to the show. It's a hefty read to say the least, and my feedback will be up at the end of the week after sorting some people out for the second arc (plus, venues to come, I want people to read the PPV first) and I want a day or two to breathe following putting this show out, which contained a lot of up-and-down emotions to say the least.

Like any fedhead will tell you, and there are a few of you here, it's not an easy task and I never expected it to be. I'd also like to take the time to thank anyone who wasn't part of the show but contributed to previous shows. It is still greatly appreciated.

Shortly, I'll be discussing the issue of feedback, posting my answers to the podcast questions I should have done in December, and it's about time we had another one of those.

Also, and the blame starts with me, let's get entrances sorted out. That includes yours truly.

[Keegan]

As for the 'winner' at the end, I included one or two on 1, and took advice 'NOT' to do it. Scott's call here at MO, and perhaps something we do for the next PPV, but not on every Domination BECAUSE WE WANT PEOPLE TO READ THE SHOW.

Sorry.

[Jerry David]

Welcome: brilliant. Legendary. What a writer.

Prima Materia: sets the visuals out well for the show ahead. Shakespeare gets a nod. Only a true man of culture would do so. All good. Does it’s job well.

Rent has been collected: I’m going to say this a lot: who is this mythological ‘we’ in ewrestling? Great imagery. Bloody Reyn, eh? What’s he like.

Twitch party: We know who trouble Roxx are now so I would have preferred they were just introduced by name at the start rather than by hair colour. But that’s nit picking really. I don’t have any idea where this segment is set. E Z Rah wishes he had this many fans.

Prince & Pauper: well. Truth sure was aggressive. I’ve no idea what Principe said though so that’s a shame. Interested to see this develop. Maybe subtitles in brackets after Principe speaks in future (assuming what is said is supposed to be known, of course. If not then… well, don’t.)

The numbers don’t lie: segment heavy to start. It read well and I know it was a leftover from being omitted on a previous show, so happy days that it got used! Lol.

Aleczander Vs Big Aug: fuck me, Scott’s giving feedback on a match. Great commentary back and forth to open. Wow! Surprise announcement here! Winner of this match is the number one contender! Yeahhhh! You are Doritos. We all are. Lovely reference there showing that the writer also reads. Intros are a bit long for me personally but I know Seth likes intros lol. “…squashing Aleczander The Great’s innards into his muscular, but treacherous body.” is a great line. There’s some great banter between the two as they beat the paste out of one another which I enjoy. I think the match is a little long for an opener and something I’ve discussed with keegan (idk what everyone else thinks) is each match having a word cap based on its location on the card? I enjoyed the match, don’t get me wrong there but I just know in my head having put the show together that this is one of the longest matches on the show. But that said, it is for the #1 contendership I suppose. And it’s undoubtedly well written. It’s almost like the handler has written more matches than literally everyone else combined in this fed? (Probably.) anyway, well done on a good match and congrats to the winner who I will not reveal here.

GLOBAL Sit Down: I mean it does what I expected. Makes the legend look like a very nice guy and promotes the main event. Well written.

The Case for Darring: another promo for the main event. Does what it needs to and is well written.

Amber Lee Vs Kid Chameleon: A nice bit of banter between commentators to open the match. Skimmed over this one tbh, no interest in Amber Lee at all for some reason. Credit to Keegan for doing the work when the handler in the angle wouldn't.

Gunningham.: This was faxed to me. I don't even own a fax machine. I've no idea how he does it.

HF Vs. PTA: I think the entrances here are the idea length. Not too long, not too short, and original (i.e. not copy/paste from the entrance description in bios), which I think is absolutely fine for Domination shows but PPVs warrant something a little more. So well done. Again, not much of a match guy, I've never been great at writing them so minimal feedback to offer really. What I will say is there are two types of pinfall... "1... 2..." and "one... two..." but aside from that the bits I stopped at to look over are well written, action packed and enjoyable. Well done. I'm glad PTA won this one, and I hope it means they go on to tag titles in the near future.

The Case for Dream: same as Darring. Does what it needs to and is well written.

Who buys that crap?: The collective 'we' has returned. Putting that to one side, I'm glad the love-fest took a turn - it was making me wretch lol. The stipulation X offers is a bit loose isn't it? If I lose I'll not team with Alfie for a bit, if you win you need to have a good old think. There could have been more at stake here for me. Okay, now more stakes as Alfie enters. X wins he gets to team up with him. So now it's confusing to me. If Darren wins his match against SoM, and X wins his match against Alfie, X then gets to both team with Alfie and not team with Alfie. It's messed up my train of thought a bit. (Let me know if I'm being thick here)

Christian Pierson Vs. The Wall: Not being a big match guy, again, I'll keep it brief. Reads well the bits I read; I didn't read it bell to bell. Pierson gets an absolute kicking in this match. I hope he snaps soon and becomes the monster I have in my imagination.

The Angel & The Jerk Interviewer: I think the title could be better lol. Quick interview pre-match, does its job.

Queen Bianca Vs. Angel Ramirez: There were a few typos in the bits I read over. Nothing horrifying, mind. Also, Bianca... Who are these henchmen of hers and where did they appear from? Later in the match they are mentioned; "Bianca’s associates are clearly considering a joint attack when Saul decides on more desperate measures." but they aren't mentioned any earlier, and there isn't any real character to them. More a failing on the characters handler than the match writer on that point.

The match does well in terms of increasing its pace/intensity and is well written. I think Bianca needs more dimensions to her character though. Her character to me is currently: "woman in crown, shouting at people."

The Joker & The Queen: No comment. Mine.

Don't be afraid to let them go: Murder mystery and intrigue here. Now we aren't sure if Besty-boy is going to even show up, are we?

Button Vs. X: OK so Crusader X can now team with Alfie but going from the earlier segment it doesn't look much like Alfie wants to now anyway. Well written.

Viral Comedy Recap: Mostly low blows. Art imitating life.

3-way tag match: I have no interest in Ross Hanson whatsoever. Quite honestly, the only reason this is even on the show is for Pedro's sake. I just want that on record and IDGAS how people feel about it. Anyone disrespecting the fed and its fed head can kiss my arse. The match was well written in the spots I read, but as mentioned before... I'm not much of a match guy so won't give any other feedback on there so as not to be a hypocrite.

Twitch Stream II: Lost track of who was speaking unfortunately. Who says "guys?" and the following 2 sentences? I am not sure. Was a nice respite between matches and different to the norm, so that's a good thing.

Best Vs SoM: No mention of any of the previous segments to open the match. Could have been more like... will he/wont he show, his music having to restart a few times or at least commentary picking up on the earlier segments? Or is it the case that the previous 2 segments are unseen and therefore he was in fact last seen in his Darring match? I've got all mixed up. SoM picks up the win, so X can definitely be Alfie's partner... if Alfie wants him to be.

Old Willy.: Arrived on horseback, with the threat of my cats getting upset stomachs if I didn't post it to the show. Complied.

E Z Rah Vs. Jerry David: Kyle wrote the majority of this to his credit, and I think he's done a bang up job.

Making A Wish Come True: Make-A-Wish in fiction writing... I hope this wheelchair kid is about to take a sick bump, Funny little segment despite my own make-a-wish of a wheelchair bound kid going through a table not coming true. Nice to see a kid being sworn at, and that's all that matters.

Master Sisters Vs. Rich Family: I think the effort put into this title match, which should really be one of the main focuses of this PPV comes across. There wasn't nearly as much as, for example, the opening match. It was focused a lot on character development of the master sisters, didn't do much for their opponents, and then is interrupted by another team. I'd say of the three teams in this match, master sisters are clearly the weakest and will be primed to drop these titles between now and the end of the next PPV as things stand.

The Case for Reyn: Same as the last 2; well written, does its job, amps up the main event further. Good job.

The Invention of the Cowbell: When my mother rang me and read a pre-prepared message, I knew this had to get on the show or she could be harmed. Thankfully, she is fine.

JJ Vs. VV: This ones an intense one after VV absolutely laid waist to JJ on the last show. A nice flashback to open it up for those who forgot/didn't get chance to read the last shows goings-on. Some good pre-match badinage between the commentators in the match build up. good match, a lot of striking which makes sense due to the intensity of last week. Then a nightstick. Ooooooo matron! Oh, behave. Okay. Sure. It's THE LAW! Oh it all kicks off at the end. And THIS is how the tag division should be. Anarchy.

Act III: The collective 'we' of efedding lore returns. What is UWE? I've heard of it more since Global started than in my entire 36 previous years on Earth. I think we can stop this name dropping now. A) because nobody knows what people are on about and b) because GLOBAL can stand on its own 2 feet now. I've no idea what the poem is for. It was a recap video package that did its job, but I think could have done it a little better tbh.

Main Event: The royal we makes its PPV main event debut! Lol. (I'll do some actual feedback for this match later).

Overall thoughts: Collective 'we' needs to come to an end, and we (collectively, ironically) need to uniformly punctuate dialogue. Whilst there is no right or wrong answer as to whether " or ' is correct (and is mostly down to geography), half are using " and the other half are using '. I'd like us to settle this once and for all to end my compulsion to change them all to one or the other manually!

A really strong show for almost everyone. The tag division needs a shake up in my opinion; we have a LOT of very strong teams, with more having recently arrived, and I think that the tag division needs more focus and some more structure to it with an overarching storyline that surrounds the tag titles rather than the titles just being a 'thing' two people own.

Thanks God we finally have a world champion, and I hope the belt drives forward a really intense feud in arc 2. We've some good handlers surrounding that title, so I'm confident it will go well. I'm hoping that now Seth has a #1 contenders spot we're going to see some real magic having him also become part of that title picture.

Props to Kyle, who has absolutely smashed the E Z/David feud, his writing is excellent and he's great to work with. Thanks for all the hard work, Kyle.

Cheers,
Sc00t

[Keegan]

Another gripe, that? The collective 'we.'

While I have done it, I admit that I feel it's overused.

[Jerry David]

Another gripe, that? The collective 'we.'

While I have done it, I admit that I feel it's overused.

It's a personal taste thing of course, but yeah, it goes irk me a bit personally. And that's an e-Wrestling-wide thing, not a Keegan thing.

(added more to my feedback)